FML
by WindowChild
Summary: Over the course of the books, Percy visits the website FML in order to vent.
1. Percy

A/N: This is in tribute to the fact that I've now become obsessed with FML. There might be another chapter for another character (I was thinking Luke, but you know, whoever), so tell me what you think, please. And if you don't know the site, I advise visiting it (briefly) before you read this fic. And if you haven't ever gone to the site, and don't want to, please don't comment on how strange this seems to you. It only makes sense if you know the site.

Disclaimer: Out of paranoia, let me just say that I don't own PJO or

My math teacher wants to kill me. I know I may have failed her class (and every other class this year), but isn't this considered child abuse? FML

Today I went to sleep away camp for the first time. I'm twelve. And to make matters worse, my mom was killed, I got beat up by the biggest girl here, and I discovered I'm going to have to wear a bright orange t-shirt for three months. FML

My estranged father's brothers want to kill me. I've never met them, but let's just say that one has the ability to crash airplanes, and the other is holding my mom "hostage." FML

Today one of my camp counselors decided to go all Agent 23 on me. His method? Giving me a pair of cursed sneakers. The sad thing is, I almost died. FML

My best friend's gone missing, I have a half-brother with the intelligence range of a two-year-old, and I stupidly left my friend with her knife while sailing near the Bermuda triangle (long story). FML

I found out that there's a slight chance my destiny will be to kill my dad and most of my relatives. And if I don't? Everybody else might die. FML

My two best friends have begun ignoring me. Why? Because _their_ best friends, who has been "living in a tree", just came… let's say, "back to camp". Oh how I wish I were kidding. FML

My bestish friend who's a girl fell off a cliff. To make matters worse, my tree-acquainted friend seems to think it's my fault. FML

There is a tribe of fairly good-looking girls staying at my camp. I can't decide which is worse: the fact that they're not allowed to date, or the fact that my male peers won't shut up about them beating us at capture the flag. FML

I am on a road trip. It would be fun, except that my company consists of: a Shakespearian-speaking huntress, a girl who's been trapped in a tree for six years, my _half-human_ best friend, and our new mentee, who we've probably scared out of ever wanting to hang out with us. Oh yeah, and we're supposed to save the world and stuff. FML

Today, my friends and I got kind of wrapped up in the fact that we were sightseeing at a dam. The sad part? It was the funniest thing that had happened to me in a long, long time. FML

I voluntarily put the weight of the world on my shoulders, in order to save my friends. No, seriously. I think I'm going to get premature back pains. I'm fourteen. FML

My tree-inhabiting friend came very close to destroying the world today. The way she stopped herself? She had to join the huntresses, a band of women who pledge to never date a man for all eternity. Let me tell you, I'm getting a little concerned for my gender. FML

My eleven-year-old cousin tried to kill my today. He is an avid mytho magic player, and is several inches and years my junior. His motive? He holds me responsible for his sister's death. FML

I kissed a girl, and then after almost _dying_, ended up on this other girl's island (literally, not metaphorically). I left her, in order to see the girl I kissed. Then, when I got back, apparently my friends were angry with me for breaking up their pleasant little funeral. FML

Over the past few weeks, I have learned that while I might be brave enough to duel people, I do not have the courage to ask a girl out. I'm sixteen. FML

I got "dumped" by first real "girlfriend" because she wants to become and abstinent fortuneteller. FML

Today I discovered that the actual "child of prophecy" is my arch nemesis. It wouldn't be so bad, except that _I've _been the one doing all of the stressing about it. It just seems a little unfair. The worst part, though, is that he died because of it, so I obviously can't complain about it to his oldest friend – my new girlfriend. FML

My new stepsister can add numbers better than I can. She's four. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that she'll love me even if I don't go to college. I guess she didn't see the application to Columbia on my bed. FML

I discovered that this group of people has been writing stories about my friends and I. I'm kind of afraid to show it to them, because the stories seem to think that we're these hormonal, obsessive lunatics. FML

This girl has been cyber-stalking me all across the internet, copy and pasting everything I've posted on fml. FML

A/N: This is dedicated to Savannah (ShadowPalace), who's obsessed with FML right with me. Go FML! Thanks for reading guys, please review!


	2. Luke

A/N: Here we are again! With Luke this time, as our FML poster. I hope you guys enjoy it! Oh, and profanity warning.

I am sitting in a dark closet. I have been here for nine hours, without food and being bitten by bugs. It's because my mom is a psychopath, possibly dangerous, and deadest on telling me how I'm inevitably doomed. FML.

Today, I ran away from home. This would be scary in it of itself, but I keep getting chased by monsters. Yes, chased. They seem to know who I am, where I'm going, and they really, really seem to want me dead. FML.

I found my first friend today. She is a punk girl, two years younger than I am. This would be good, except that she seems to know exactly what I'm going through. Oh crap, you mean my entire existence wasn't a dream? FML.

We visited my house today. So, my mom's still crazy, my dad still doesn't care about me, and my life still sucks. The only change is, now my friends may think I'm a little crazy too. I'm not sure. FML.

Thalia is trying to talk to me about forgiving my dad. It's a bit hypocritical, since I'm pretty sure she hates her parents. She won't go away though, and I think my fist clenching and face reddening is scaring Annabeth. FML.

Today, we were brought to this place called Camp Half Blood. It was supposed to be good, but then Thalia got jumped by a Minotaur and turned into tree. Some weird centaur guy is talking to us about our parents, apparently oblivious to our pain. I'm trying to decide who I hate more: him, the Minotaur, or the gods. The mental strain of decision is hurting me, and I have a headache. FML.

I went on my first quest, and came back with a ridiculous scar across my face. I was all ready to think that it wasn't so noticeable, when Annabeth laughed and told me I looked like Harry Potter. And just when I thought my looks were the only thing I had left. FML.

The gods are still hovering around. It's bugging me. FML.

I am plotting revenge now, although it's sort of weird. I'm reporting to the Titan, Kronos, who has wanted to do this for years. Is it bad that I feel like the neglected intern? He swears I'll get more important, but so far all I've done is receive a package of cursed sneakers. FML.

We have a new kid, Percy Jackson. He is stupid, mouthy, and Annabeth is doing her banter-flirt thing with him. Gods, - wait, no, Titans (I am forsaking the gods, remember?) – I hate the universe. FML.

Apparently Percy is part of our plan. He's the child of prophecy, which would be funny, except that I'm supposed to eventually be using Annabeth to get to him. I'm not sure which is worse: the fact that I'm going to be hurting Annabeth, or the fact that we are using my childhood love to taunt my arch nemesis (so to speak). FML.

And on that note (read above), I've been thinking. Why is the only girl I've ever loved only twelve years old? I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me, and not just the dreams I have of Kronos brandishing a samurai sword. FML.

I am very bored. I thought that saving the world would be really cool, or at least vindicating, but this is worse than the time Annabeth tried to make me read _Fahrenheit 451. _FML.

Today, I learned that my friend Thalia is back from the dead, or tree or whatever. Also, she joined the hunters. Aside from the fact that I kind of, sort of missed her, I am now getting angry letters from fangirls who believe I ruined this thing called 'Thuke'. They've all been telling me to go and die, and leave my plan for revenge, and I don't even know what Thuke is! FML.

I am trapped in Kronos's body. FML.

I am still trapped in Kronos's body. FML.

I am still trapped in Kronos's body, and today we tried to go to the bathroom. I am thinking that this whole body-fusion thing was a bad idea. I do not ever remember being in this much pain, including my bath-thing in the River Styx. That, in it of itself, depresses me. FML.

I am still trapped in Kronos's body. It's so mind-consuming that I can't even think about the other million things I have to rant about. …_But…_ since you obviously care: Dad, Mom, Percy, Annabeth, Thalia… Should I include Grover for good measure? Crap, Kronos wants to go somewhere. I'm praying it's not the bathroom again. FML.

I hit Annabeth. Oh, and I think I'm dying. And Annabeth likes Percy. And yup, definitely dying now. I think people are talking to me. Something about Annabeth liking Percy? Shit, well, at least Kronos is gone. No more bathroom "adventures" or anything. But yeah, to recap, Annabeth likes Percy, I accidentally hit her, and I'm dying (Can you say FML if you're dead? Ah well, F My Death).

I am waiting at the reincarnation booth. It's empty. Do you want to know _why?_ It's because the God of the freaking Dead (I hate that this now applies to me, by the way), is absent. And _that_ is because he chose this particular day to go and party with his relatives. So I am waiting here. Still dead, and once again pissed at the gods. FMD.

A/N: That's it! Next is Annabeth, then Nico and then Thalia. I might do Kronos after that, I'm not sure. I would do Grover, but I feel like he's not very FML-ish. Thoughts?


End file.
